Dammit, Jim! I’m a Junkie, not a Doctor!


I’m a big fan of the show House. In part, this is because Hugh Laurie is gorgeous and an amazing actor, and in part because I have a thing for TV doctors (don’t judge me!)

Pictured: 10 pounds of Awesome in a 5-pound bag. He’s even wearing a Motley Crue T-shirt. Grrrrr!

Over the last couple of seasons, I’ve had the beef that the show, while always formulaic, has become overly so. Typical episode of House:

Minutes 1 – 50: Oh my God, you guys, we don’t know what’s wrong with this patient, and he/she is gonna die if we can’t figure this out.
*Minutes 38-43: Is it Lupus? It could be Lupus. It’s not Lupus.
Minutes 51-55: The ‘Aha’ moment. We figured it out, you guys. The patient is going to live! Or, y’know, die. But we figured it out, you guys!
Minutes 56-60: Wilson and/or Cuddy tells House that he is an idiot. House sheepishly makes it clear to the audience that he did not learn his lesson. Oh, that wacky House! Tune in next week!

Incidentally, the guy over at Polite Dissent is a doctor who posts every week the beefs he has with the “medicine” practiced in House. Interesting guy. He separates his rants into major complaints, modest complaints, and nit-picks.

Despite the fact that I think the show is predictable, I watched it pretty regularly for the first couple of seasons and then pretty sporadically until this latest one (I do catch reruns sometimes.) I adore oogling Hugh Laurie (and Chase is no slouch, either), and I ignore the fact that the writing seems to be getting sloppier and sloppier. Tonight’s episode, After Hours had SO many problems with it. I know, it’s the ‘eyyy-body got problems’ episode leading up to the season finale, but UGH. In no particular order, my beefs:

1. Taub. In 20-something years of marriage, where he adamantly didn’t want children and presumably took precautions, he didn’t have children. A week or two of boinking a hot nurse half his age, and she’s pregnant. He’s a doctor. Are we to assume that he’s that stupid? Also, why give Taub a kid? It’s a shitty thing to do to his ex-wife (oh, suddenly NOW you’re having kids with someone half your age that you don’t know), and by all accounts, he’ll be a lousy dad. (I know, he’ll come around and be a good father, but blechh. Lazy writing.) Also, he doesn’t want the baby through the majority of the episode, and goes to a strip club with Foreman in an effort to contemplate how to tell the nurse to get an abortion. I know strip clubs are where I do MY best thinking, so no problems with that. Here’s where it gets silly: He spots an asymmetrical mole somewhere on the stripper, breaks the “no touching” rule, makes the excuse that he was touching her mole, and gets thrown out of the strip club. He waits for the stripper to get off work, essentially stalking her, so that he can convince her to get it checked out. The stripper is decidedly unamused by this and pulls a gun on Taub. His near-death experience causes him to rush into the hospital to the knocked-up nurse, reeking of booze and dripping with stripper glitter, and declare that he suddenly wants to be a father.

Pictured: Contemplating life-altering decisions in an appropriate environment.

2. The 13/Chase adventure. She takes the junkie ex-cop she met in prison into her house to fix a stab wound, but won’t take her to the hospital. She calls in Chase, and we get a sob story about how she murdered her brother to spare him pain, and somehow that translates to protecting an ungrateful prison buddy. I get it – Chase and Cameron got divorced because he killed that patient and couldn’t handle it, and this sets Chase and 13 up to have an affair or a relationship. Again, ugh. We’ve had three seasons to get used to 13 having Huntington’s disease, and yet, she’s never mentioned she even HAD a brother, let alone one that had the disease, and let alone one that she put out of his misery? The prison story arc wasn’t enough? Her being on a bunch of drugs and ending up in prison because some guy OD’d in her house wasn’t enough? One drug-abusing doctor on the team isn’t enough? It’s kind of a lazy way to throw her and Chase together. Historically, for Chase, her being smoking hot would have been enough. Incidentally, I could have gotten next to the whole “guy OD’s in 13’s house” thing if they had done an homage to Pulp Fiction. 13 calls House in the middle of the night. House is all, “Prank caller! Prank caller!” 13 screeches up onto House’s lawn with the OD’ing guy. House jams a huge needle into the guy’s chest. That would have been awesome.

3. House performing self-surgery in his bathtub. Leaving out the obvious grotesqueness of the plot device, how many doctors do things that are that stupid? He has crossed the line from being a doctor that does some pill popping to a junkie who occasionally does some doctoring. I don’t like it. He wouldn’t be able to keep his job if this weren’t television. His not being able to get ahold of his staff to help him sets them up for lack of loyalty – they’re sick of his nonsense, and either he can now get rid of them guilt-free, or the show can get rid of House guilt-free, and honestly, after the next season, which has already been announced, where is there for this show to go except House dying, or permanently leaving in some fashion, such as via the mental institution? Hugh Laurie does a hell of a job selling whatever he’s doing, but at this point, I’m just not buying it.

Aaaaand, speaking of hot doctors on shows that have jumped the shark…
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About Miz Parker

I'm a musician, writer, web developer and avid reader who maintains two blogs. For Bucket List Book Reviews (formerly Bucket List Media), my goal is to read and review each book on the popular list "1,001 Books to Read Before You Die." This blog is intended to chronicle my experiences and thoughts on each, and share opinions with other bibliophiles. Bucket List Media is a semi-serious blog which is appropriate for all ages. For Live At E's (see the menu), I rant in general about pop culture, life, celebrities, and current events. Live At E's contains foul language and is deliberately offensive. Turn on your sarcasm detector.
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9 Responses to Dammit, Jim! I’m a Junkie, not a Doctor!

  1. I have a few seasons of House on DVD and noticed that same predictableness and also accepted it since the show is pretty fun and all. Haven’t seen anything since season 3 or 4, and from the sounds of it I’m not missing much. Except that it’s more and more ridiculously ridiculous.

  2. IDGirlX says:

    I only started watching House last season and I watch it because of the medicine. I’m studying to be a PA and am fascinated by the medical errors and the stuff they bother to get right. Dr. Scott’s (Polite Dissent) medical review of the show is really interesting and I never miss an episode of his blog.

    Thanks for your spin on House, M.D.

  3. That is a super-peachy-keen post. Thanks for really blathering on like that! Seriously, I don’t think I could have spent more effort wishing for something heavy to fall on me to erase that nonsense from my mind!

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