How I Became A Savior of the Hopeless


It just occurred to me tonight that I could look up what search engine terms people use to find my blog. Or, perhaps more accurately, the search engine terms people have used and then subsequently stumbled upon my blog. I must say, the mind reels. I’m probably on some sort of government watch list at this point. My husband looked at the terms and remarked “Looks like you’re a savior of the hopeless. You’re the new Jesus.” To which I say, AWESOME. So, I thought I’d have a little fun and share some of my favorites (complemented by pictures of whatever you get when you image-Google said terms) with y’all. I have a first-page rule, meaning that when I search for an image, whatever comes up on the first page goes.

“wearing a motley crue t-shirt”

I’m not sure why anyone would search this, unless it was prefaced by a name. I can get behind “Colin Farrell wearing a Motley Crue t-shirt.” Maybe they were looking for instructions regarding how to properly rock a Motley Crue t-shirt. One can’t be too careful.

“squirrels with afros”

He’s like a miniature, nut-hoarding Don King. Aaaaand, now I am envisioning people finding me by searching “Don King Nut Hoarder.”

“wyoming sucks how do I get out”

I’m sure a lot of people want to know that. Glad to be of service.

“being a loser at life”

Here’s what comes up when you image-Google “being a loser at life”:

You know you’ve screwed up when even Ozzy Osbourne’s opinion is “I don’t know a lot of things, but I know you don’t tattoo your face.” A facial tattoo says “I’ve gone as far as I care to in society.”

“fat lady in shorts”

Again, WHY, people?!? This has to be associated with some kind of fetish.

“drunk and pregnant in the street”

The only image associated with that phrase that isn’t vaguely pornographic appears to be Brendan Fraser reprimanding Skeletor. Enjoy.

“sweaters for couples”

Feast your eyes on THESE babies.

“I wet myself”

Seriously? Is there some reason you’re Googling rather than cleaning yourself up or weeping in shame?

“scott walker’s stupid pig eyes”

This phrase haunts my dreams.

Oh, hell. Any excuse to re-post this picture of Scott Walker looking like a retard. And now that you mention it, eerily piggish.

“how do I live with being a loser”

I’m sensing a pattern here, and I don’t like it.

“justice league with serial killers”

You mean there’s someone besides me who thought this was a good idea?

“horrible asses”

Perhaps it’s just me, but I never thought that fringed silver epaulets screamed “bad-ass.”

“big hair of the sixties”

Not a terribly interesting image search, but I’m baffled how it relates to me.

“toilet capable facebook feed”

Um, what?

At this point, I don’t even know if the ‘image is unrelated’ or not.

“i am rejected”

Again with the loser / reject references! You’re starting to hurt my feelings!

“80’s crafts”

This can’t be good.

Is that…A WALKMAN COZY?!?

“am i going to hell”

If you have to ask, you probably are.

“steve irwin porn”

Fuck this, I’m not Googling that.

and, my personal favorite:

“I’m going to hell for laughing at this.”

Yes, yes you are.

Ironically, the least offensive image associated with that phrase.
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About Miz Parker

I'm a musician, writer, web developer and avid reader who maintains two blogs. For Bucket List Book Reviews (formerly Bucket List Media), my goal is to read and review each book on the popular list "1,001 Books to Read Before You Die." This blog is intended to chronicle my experiences and thoughts on each, and share opinions with other bibliophiles. Bucket List Media is a semi-serious blog which is appropriate for all ages. For Live At E's (see the menu), I rant in general about pop culture, life, celebrities, and current events. Live At E's contains foul language and is deliberately offensive. Turn on your sarcasm detector.
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4 Responses to How I Became A Savior of the Hopeless

  1. I want that walkman cozy. And a walkman. And tapes.

    • Miz Parker says:

      I know, right? I probably even have a Walkman and tapes still lying around somewhere. Sadly, however, I possess no “cozy-making” skills. I’d end up jamming my Walkman into a sock puppet and calling it good.

  2. lexy3587 says:

    haha… I wonder if your posts were useful to the people using these search terms? I’ve looked the search terms up on mine, but wish it could somehow indicate whether the person stuck around to read through, or opened the site and said, “nope, not what i’m looking for, bye!” before retreating.

    • Miz Parker says:

      That would be interesting! Although I have to wonder, for someone who is researching “Scott Walker’s Stupid Pig Eyes”, what sort of site might register as “useful.”

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